drugs

love is the most dangerous drugs among all. i don't know how to put this but its what i've been through. it can kill you not physically, but mentally. when it kills you mentally then physically it destroys you. my advice for all of you out there, if you want to fall in love, be sure you're ready for a commitment. it doesn't mean you're gonna get married, but you need to commit to your partner's heart. insanely i put myself into an unconditional love back then. it started 3 years ago. and it ended 5 months ago. its sad but still i need to face this. i need to face all the bullshit that i put myself in. i know i can

messed up

Dude!! i'm messed up i don't even know what i'm doing with my life. i need motivation. well i need to learn how to protect myself. I made a few mistakes which i should not. well obviously they are called mistakes for some reason. i need to value myself more i cannot do this to myself. i need to cope with myself. to be honest now. i'm a huge lump of mess.

:)

your smile,
your laugh,
your stupid foolish jokes,
the way how you put me in a situation i never like
how you make me fall for you all the time,
i need to let that go,
need to let YOU go,

you don't know
how much i miss you,
how much i need you,
how much i love you,
and,
how much you meant to me.

we've been through hell,
we've went through paradise,
and i thought everything was well,
until i realize it was just a trick of life,

it was just a fantasy,
for you and for me,
now's the time for reality,

keep this in mind and bear,
i know you wont give a damn
but just to make things clear,
i'm not your Eve, Adam

A short one

Why

When you thought it is over
It is just gonna grow bigger,
That stab you gave me
Still scar in me
I really dont know what went wrong
Or who was wrong
I just wanna know why

love

it's an amazing feeling
makes you feel like you're flying
it knows no boundaries and limits
it only gives you that hit
from the arrow of the cupid

at times it hurts
at times it turn its back on you
and sometimes it gives that stab
makes you bleed and plead
making you to ask
to give a second life
or just take the life away from you

but when it hits the spot
you know you don't want to stop
you know you don't wanna leave
you know you don't wanna give up
no, you don't

you'll eventually find a way
for it to stay
as long as you want it to be
as long as you wish it would be

they say,
it takes your five senses away
makes you blind deaf mute and everything else
and they think its useless

but trust me
you'll feel lively
the feeling to be loved
and in love
and that's love

-pandafreak07

me

i feel so insecure
feel so useless
i need to find a cure
so restless
i don't know what to do
or even to think
my head is full of you
and all of my sins
my head is not straight
what have i done
the things that i made
to you that I've done
cry cry cry
every night
oh my
i'm living in fright!
losing you was my last choice
is this a curse? or a second choice?
i need you i love you
and it fucking hurts
to what i have done to you
i'm nothing but a JERK!
i'm on my knees
pleading
wanting to ask for forgiveness
when i know inside u are bleeding

-pandafreak07-

"Friend"

you are my only friend

i want to take you to the end

i will never let you go

as you drink the blood that flow

i'm always the one who is wrong

but yet i'm not strong

always an outcast

alone in the class

no one to talk to 

no one to hold on to

till one day you were there

standing in front of me as i stare

didn't know your heart was fragile

didn't know i could make you cry

i'm a heart broker

with some mental disorder

what was i thinking?

am i the queen?

i'm gonna take a step

until i feel a stab

wasn't thinking

never was

one day it'll be drinking

what i lost

-pandafreak07-

x.x

heart ripped opened,
to pieces it is broken,

i didn't know and i am sorry,
but yet i'm not here to ask for mercy

i know that i am wrong,
and i'm not strong

i take the blame,
as it is all my fault,
i'm seeing an orange flame,
smoke? i thought

i didnt open up to you about anything,
i didnt want u to be thinking twice
am i something?
or am i ur 2nd choice?

hard to say goodbye,
as we just met,
will i cry?,
maybe till i'm dead

-pandafreak07-

first day as a university student #tiredAF

So.. this is the thing, where ever you go, if its the first time, they'll have orientation week. (which will torture you like hell)but trust me.. its only for that week. the day i wrote this post is on my second day in U at 6.21 am. and i'm tired!!!!!

as a muslim in malaysia, your sahur will be latest by 5 AM but if your eating with a whole group, u need to wake up around 4 AM. YES!!! I FEEL YOU!! But hey. i dont live with my parents anymore who put me and my siblings as their priority anymore. i need to stand alone. the campus here is awesome! we have all the things we need: swimming pool, archery field, gimnasium etc. my U is soooooooo cool!! the seniors here are also nice too. i got my room near the cafe, yeay.. but i'm fasting.. (for now). my roomate is quite nice. she's a johorian and nice AF!! oh she's also a muslim so yea... anyways, so far i can see that my life here is ok i guess besides hving tht feeling of almost fainting due to my anemia lmao. life as a student here is ok so far same goes as a roomate but i hv trouble with my housemate. i'm not use to new people but i think i'll get along later.

I'm Murni Fazira trying to tell you guys that i'm going through my new phase of life in a new enviroment. An enviroment where i have to leave my family and my boyfriend. all i hope for my whole university life is that i'll get to grad early and further my studies early annnddd finish it early so i can go to my second and third face of life which is WORK AND MY VERY OWN FAMILY.

i think thats all for now.. i had to continue this late due to the programs they hv.. so yea.. bye2 and thanks for reading

HERE COMES MY UNIVERSITY LIFE.. #imgettingmydiploma!

it's an exciting news for me coz unbelievably i got my SPM results.. they were not so great but good news! no fails and 6 credits with 2As!!Alhamdulillah i'm so thankful!! (and excited af) yes i know its weird..

"What's so great about getting 2 As and 6 credits? its not like u scored all As"

Oh i know how u feel right now. tbh i'm not a smart student. infact im troublesome most peeps in my class knows how troublesome i am in class coz i dont focus, i dont study, i dont finish my homeworks. all i do in class is either sleep or eat. so how the hell did i succeed? Simple. pray, believe in urself and most importantly ask if u dont know something or simply read extra stuff. one more.. obviously u hv friends right? so they are also helpful af for notes.. u can be lazy af to write down notes (cause i was like tht) but dont be to lazy to take ur time to read and understand them.. i did some last minutes studies. to me i had no hope of passing any of my papers.. i thought i have to repeat my SPM (my parents thought the same thing) but huge thanks to Allah he made my life interesting.. he added suprises for me..

thts what i can tell abt my SPM results. i applied my UPU like sooooo late...(3 days b4 deadline) then i got my interview letter like a day late then the day i should go for the interview. i was havocly completing every single thing i need to complete. then from ipoh to tg.malim was like only one and a half hours coz my dad was freaking speeding. as soon as i got to tg malim, i enterred the exam hall and theres only like 2 hours left instead 3 hours (real-time) the facilitator gave me a chance for me to sit for the test. it was a writing test. the next test was oral test. i had to speak/ tell a story *obviously in english* in front of two lectures. i was shaking thinking tht the test would be super hard and out of my league but i manage to calm myself down and did the test properly! //yeay me!//

but to be honest as i entered the exam hall for my writing test. i lost hope on succeeding the interview. but  Alhamdulillah i manage to get myself into UPSI!!

i know at this moment, my parents will be in shock about me being offered to university. all my life i was told by people around me that i am a loser. i cant succeed in what i'm doing and i'm not qualified to be what i am right now. but  Allah is fair to His people.. my creator, Allah SWT actually gave me the oppurtunity to show to these peeps that i can be whatever i want and i can be successful. i just need to believe in Him and myself.. also my parents..

my message here for you guys is.. dont give up believe in yourself and have hope, also pray for the best thing that u want for your life. its not hard. its not complicated either. its your choice to make it easy or hard for you. you are the remote control of your own life.

last but not least, thanks for spending your time reading my blog.. i love you guys!